Paradoxical Mind

I felt it, I know what it is; even now as I am writing this I am feeling it, absolutely everything at once hitting me but I don’t know what it is, my mind completely just goes I cannot think of anything because it is spinning round and round, and round and round, repeating itself over and over again, the sounds in my life seem like they are only miniscule yet the sounds in my head are growing increasingly louder, I am completely zoned out and they are cracking me I don’t know what they are and they are driving me crazy, the sound of my life like the ticking of a clock seems so simple, so quiet yet they are screaming at me in my head, lost of any sort of control or any sort of understanding of the biological building blocks which hold my sanity in place; they repeat until I hear nothing I know nothing they just keep going over and over and over, repeating themselves getting louder and louder, everything is surreal and I don’t know what I am writing even to this second I am just writing because I feel I need to remember this feeling. It is utterly terrifying and euphoric at the same time, the feeling that you have lost your sense of control and understanding compels you to find out where it is going and it just ascends and ascends, repeating and repeating until it finally stops, but it hasn’t stopped, the ticking from the clock is still there, its noise has not increased or decreased yet I perceive it in a way that is completely unnatural for the human mind to experience and I feel as if my body has completely separated itself from my mind, my mind is shouting, I am shouting and yet I sit here completely motionless, unaware of my surroundings as it engulfs my entire being, I know it is wrong I know I must not let it take me but I need to know, I need to find an answer for why it is happening so I let it take me allowing me to lose myself from reality allowing me to completely detach myself from myself, the utter...

It has stopped, it’s all stopped just like that, like the flick of a switch, and I got no answers and even now I can’t replicate the feelings I just felt. The way in which I interpreted the sounds of life around me, the ticking of a clock seems like I perceive it normally yet I crave the unsettling ideas I had for it only moments ago. Even now I feel I have written only two lines yet I look up and I am nearing a page of utter madness and insecurity, my mind is calm, completely, the only thing I am grateful for is that I was sitting at my computer and was able to pull myself out of the nonresponsive state I have been experiencing for the last ten minutes, just staring at the letter “f”, hearing the sound I cannot comprehend going round and round, faster and faster, louder and louder, I cannot control it whatever it is, whatever I do, it makes no sense I just have to hope it won’t take me into it so deep that I lose my self, becoming completely and utterly psychotic, and I need it to stop, on its own, forcing myself out of it is impossible and maybe even detrimental to my mental state at this moment in time, so I must allow it to stop and it has, so I am glad for that.