The Boy

As I sit there watching, just watching, this young child, who perhaps has potential in his life to do something. As I sit there watching him being abused, two people ganging up on him, shouting, putting him down, making him feel lonely, left out and unnecessary. With each day they all grow, slowly, but the shouting grows quickly, the neglect grows faster, and the boy blossoms into something with character and spirit, a talented young child, but he is insecure, broken and worried, fractured by the cruel actions from those who are supposed to be guiders, loving and a helping hand. With each day the abuse continues, no rewards, no love, nothing. And he doesn’t want to be selfish he doesn’t want to complain, his brain is drilled with negativity, he is surrounded by happiness but he can’t feel any of it because he has been, pushed, blamed, mistreated, neglected, abused, tortured in his small fragile little mind, still growing still learning, and it is now learning that the body it is in is selfish, self centred, because that’s what he has been made to believe. He can’t complain, because it is “his fault” the statement gets stuck in his head, it stops him like a wall trapping him from normality, keeping him locked inside bedlam. Soon all these things said to him blossom into a voice in his head, their voices, those two telling him “no you can’t do that!” he is powerless the voices in his head control him, every move he makes every thought he thinks is controlled by them. As he grows the voices are much more, they invade his thoughts they become him, yet his talent is strong, he can’t see it, I watch as he grows bigger, stronger and more accustomed to the world around him, yet I watch as he fails because he constantly tells himself “I can’t” he doubts, he loathes, he hates himself, the neglect setting in he blames himself for everything, after all that’s what was meant to happen.

As I watch him grow, I watch him realise, he begins to understand, he knows that this isn’t him, that he shouldn’t be like this, he knows who to blame, he is in a battle with the two people, who are blameless, they tell him he is stupid, that it’s his fault, he can’t handle it he acts out, in rages losing things that are most important to him, soon his parents turn, they blame him, the other two are blameless, “it’s not their fault it’s mine” he tells himself, the wall gets wider and taller, as he grows, his self confidence is shattered, he bashes against the wall over and over again, criticised, humiliated, blamed. A brick falls and another, and he can peer through, he sees success he can see a positive image of himself beyond the wall, a talent is revealed, he thrives even more in it, there are no voices there is nothing telling him “you can’t” or “you’re not good enough” he can see now he is not useless. After years more bricks are removed and he can see more of his life, more success, more thriving, and more positivity. No more being held back by himself, he moves forward, he is older now and wiser, he can see clearly, he knows how to do things, but the wall is not gone, he can still not see other things, he is still restricted to believe in himself. The voices will always be there driving him back, stopping him in his tracks making him wonder.

I tell you this only knowing what I remember. I saw this child grow into something that he is not meant to be. I watch him fight every day. I remove the bricks just to give him a helping hand, which he should have received from those who should love him, and because I do this I help him see. Hope is all he needs, belief and understanding that he can be good at what he does, that he can succeed, he can be someone who he wants to be, not someone who they want him to be. He is lost, afraid, alone, and I am the light guiding him away from the dark. Believe in him and he will believe in himself. The bricks have fallen down before, what makes you think they should stop. Make him believe in who he is.