Nothingness

You fall quicker than you expect to, you start off slow so you never really think anything of it but before you can think about what is happening you plummet into the gaping black abyss. You won’t stop for a while, this will make it even more unbearable because of the enigma of it all, the mystery, you anticipate an ending yet it will not happen that way, it never does. You can wish you just hit the bottom sooner because it would be easier that way, much easier than the truth being kept from you, being lied to by your own thoughts, your own feelings deceiving you, making you feel something completely different to the truth. They trick you, send your mind spiralling out of control and you believe them time after time, no matter how much it happens you believe them, because why would they lie to you? When you strike the cold wet floor in this hellish hole you wish you had never landed and you hate yourself for wanting it to come sooner. It chills you to your core. The horror that has hindered any sort of happiness from existing in your mind, it has been pushed out by emptiness. You won’t come back. Not for a long time. You may as well give up hope, because however many times you climb up those walls, reaching towards the dimming light above with bloody cut up hands, however many times you make it to the top, breathing in the clean air with your dust filled lungs, every time you see that person walking towards you and assume they will help, you will find that they will always push you back down and you will be right where you started, in nothingness. There is no bottom, there are no walls, you only create those to help you find an excuse for what is happening to you, but in truth nothing is happening, it is only your mind telling you what you want to believe even if it is not right for you. The reality is, is that none of this is real, there is nothing only nothingness.